Angel

Over the last month a lot of shit had happened. Mostly surrounded by death. It was doing my head in. I couldn't sleep and it showed. My emotions were going all over the place and I wasn't my normal self. I got myself in fights and damaged some friendships along the way.

I was woken up by my Ne-Yo "Let Me Love You" ringtone from my new iPhone 5. Glancing at the face of my phone, I saw it was Link. My thoughts moved back to last night as I remembering messaging a bunch of people, one of them was a message to Link stating that we should catch up soon. It really had been awhile since I've seen him. I answered. He asked if I woke me up, I lied and pretended through my voice. I always feel the need to not be tired on the phone, for some reason. Link went on to ask what I was doing today because he needed a driver for today, I said I didn't have much to do but I was tired. He laughed and bluntly told me to get my lazy ass up. Realizing how stupid my reason was, I told him I'd be around in an hour.

It was a long day and I remembered driving around for hours. I went everywhere and visited a couple of warehouses, mostly car business. I caught up with Link as we were on the road. We talked about the good times and the hard times that was the last two months or so. As the day started to wind down, we headed back home. The light began to fade from the sky but I still felt the energy to do something. That's when I suggested we should do something. But Link was so caught up with cars and work lately, he hadn't had time to go out. It had been awhile since he did anything and it had been awhile since we saw each other, so why not? He told me that would be a great idea. So after Link finished up his business, we headed inside for something to eat with Link's fiancé, had a few beers and then jumped back onto the road again. We hadn't planned much at this point, though the general consensus was to head to the city.

The casino was where we spent most of the night. Link sat on the one table the whole time, whereas I would wonder, hovering between Link's table and the surrounding others. Link had a terrible run, I didn't at first but the very end I would go all in a lose the lot. We left.
We found ourselves sitting at a lounge talking a couple of girls. The night had rolled along. Link had a long conversation with a hot blonde German girl who loved her motorbikes. She seemed to be on the same level as Link as they had a long conversation about mechanics or whatnot. As he talked to her, I started talking to another. This girl wore a brightly blue dress, she stood out pretty well. I found her pretty attractive. I thought the amount of tattoos that covered her would be a turn off for me, but that wasn't the case. It was something about her that made me intrigued about her. I think I loved the way she wore her glasses. They weren't just glasses, normal one you noticed people would wear for everyday. They weren't even fashion ones. If they were, they were stylized as nerd glasses. Maybe this was a turn on or maybe it was because she was pretty, there was something about the way she looked. It wasn't just that though. She was crazy. Her personality was so high, it matched myself when I'm on my highest. She sat down on the arm of the lounge where I was sitting. She told me that she loved my face. She began to run her hand all over my face, eventually picking my nose. She was weird. She smiled and told me "I'm so gonna corrupt you"

It wasn't too long that I found myself sitting next to her on her bed. It was now 3 O'Clock at night. I watched her as she took off her glasses and came over to me with her purse. She sat pretty close to me. She started to rummage. She told me that we were gonna do crystal meth, she told me that she wasn't gonna force me to do it, only if I wanted to do. She wasn't that type of girl to force people to do shit. My mind went through so many thoughts. First was the peer pressure to look cool front of her and the fear of her losing interest in me if I were to say no. But through all that shit, I think it was Kayla and person who I wanted to be. To break from the old Chase. So I went ahead and took a fair bit of puffs. We went through a lot within the hour. Especially for my first time. She brought her phone and asked me what type of music I like. I told her that I listen to mainly R&B and Hip Hop, but I do like other genres, notability stuff like Metallica. She looked at weird, though with a smile. Confused as she was. She was surprised that a guy like me likes Metallica. She told me that she loves Metallica and wants to tattoo the lyrics to one of their songs onto her ribs. She decided though to put some popular dance music on instead. I smiled and jumped out of bed to dance. Of course I only did so to walk over across the room to grab her glasses, I danced back and slipped back on her glasses. She started to sing, replacing some of the lyrics with my name. I laughed. We kept on smoking, taking turns taking puffs. Then the song changed to Ne-Yo's "Let Me Love You", this sparked a fire inside me. I smile and started to sing the song to her. My eyes locked onto her and I crawled onto her. She lent against the bed rest. She kissed me as I sang the line "Let Me Love You" to her. I moved onto her neck. I kissed her neck, continuing to sing. Eventually I got her naked.

And then the phone rang. She had to go.

I left saying bye though we agreed to see each other the next night. It was a good night, she helped me forget the last few days. She was a good friend as we did spend the most of the time talking about a lot of things while we smoked. But more importantly she was like her name implied, she is an Angel.

Amy

Of course, that wasn't the whole story.

I went to a wedding last Saturday and I was determined to make an impression. This was my "A-Game" and  I knew that this combined with a couple of drinks boosting my confidence would land me somewhere. It did. She goes by the name of Amy... and she's a lesbian.

We were all in the reception front floor straight after the wedding. It was a small room but we were all mingling with our groups in our own area. It stood by with my usual friends, including Riker, Natalie, Micheal and Samantha. We joked and took photos. As this was happening I was scouting around for anyone who wasn't at the wedding, maybe someone else. My attention pointed towards Sara and her group, she was with my other good friend Leda. I knew Leda from a friend given that she loves the same things that I do, like Xbox. Her red hair and amazing body was easy to spot. I noticed Max and Mandy, but no one else. The whole group consisted of a handful of people, they were all the same age bracket. They were mingling in their own group next to mine. My eye was caught across a blonde girl in a sleek black dress. Our eyes caught each other. But I made nothing of it and continued to have fun with the others. It was interesting because I happened one or more times. By this point, I nudged Riker and told him to check her out. He wasn't too fond and we continued on with our conversation.
I looked down to my glass and saw that I was empty on my second beer. I had my first, but I stole my second from Micheal. He was driving, so he didn't mind. But I was stuck now with nothing. Not too long after that, a guy walked up to me with a bottle of beer offering me for him to top up my glass. Excited, I held out my glass. I smiled and told him that I loved him. It was the blonde who spoke out and told me that I shouldn't really say that out aloud. I smiled. Though in my head I was shocked out to where she had moved to exactly behind my group without me noticing.

People started walk towards the next room not too long after that. I walked though the next room and found my place next to Riker. I could see where Leda, Sara and the blonde girl was sitting. I was sitting in the direction of where they were sitting, the table next.
The night progressed and I could see Leda pulled out her phone. She looked bored. I head over to sit on Mandy's empty chair. I have never really had any chance to speak to her at all in my life. I could at least be her good friend for the night. Though as I walked towards Mandy's chair, I noticed this blonde girl eye me off. She watched me pass her by and sit at a chair on her table. Before I really got to say hi to Leda, the blonde grabbed my attention to introduce herself. She pulled out her hand to me and said "Hi, I'm Amy". I gave her a smile back, I reached out to her hand and kissed it like a gentleman and told her my name. I have no idea why I did that or what exactly I did, all I know I was pretty drunk at this point already.

There was another moment where the whole table had left except Amy. I jumped to that opportunity but it was long until her friend had to return to her seat. The keyword though as I left was that I had taken her "girlfriend's" seat. I wasn't too sure what she had meant by that. Maybe it was just a term that she had used to call her bff. But the signs after the next had proven otherwise. She was taken, so there was no point. She played with my mind the whole night. Who was this girl?
As she left, I said my goodbyes and she left me with a teaser stating that I will see her definitely soon enough. To this day, I still don't understand what she had meant by that. And I can't stop thinking about her.

Sara

My story starts the April of this year. I got a message from Riker telling me about a friend of ours, Esther, is having an Easter party. I haven't really talked much to this friend of our of the late, but this was an Easter party, I've never been to one like this before. I've always spent Easter with either my family or Kayla's family, never with friends. So naturally, I went on to say yes.

I was drunk before I got to the party for some reason. The crazy and loud side of me was out in the open the moment I walked through the doors. I was greeted by two girls who went by the names of Sara and Mandy. Maybe it was the alcohol, but straight away I was interested in Sara. My drunken self broke into conversation with her. Throughout the night, the main topic was Sonic the Hedgehog versus Mario. In which I had to prove that Sonic was better. Sara was in the middle of this, because I was interested in her I was so persistent to get her onto my side. My best came in a form of a marriage proposal, something on the lines about give me one hundred rings for a life as I drop down to one knee. But I crashed and burn throughout the rest of the night, this was according to the Sonic argument and trying to win her over in general. She wasn't interested.
Maybe it was because I was way too drunk or maybe because I showed a fair bit of signs being interested in Esther's fiancé's 14 year sister. I won't know. By the end of it all, I said bye and made her promise me that we would see each other soon enough.

I added her on facebook. But nothing.
A chat on facebook was attempted, but in the end she just wasn't interested in me.

Everything changed though at Esther's wedding that had occurred last Saturday.
I was invited to by Esther if I wanted to come to her wedding. It was last minute but I was happily invited to attend. Again, I wasn't that close to Esther, but a wedding is a wedding. I've had my own fair share of experiences to know how it works, I've even seen a fair bit of movies and shows to back up everything. So I know I had to bring my "A-Game" to this wedding, I really had to.
I bought myself a $250 suit, spent the morning at the gym, shined my best pair of Guess shoes, spent a fair bit on a haircut and products, shaved, brought out my Guess aviator sunglasses and soaked myself in the very best of the Hugo Boss fragrance. This was my A-Game and I could do nothing more. And it showed the moment Riker and Nat arrived at the front of my apartment to pick me up. Natalie turned to Riker and told "Oh my. Riker, today you're on your own". I sat through the wedding and afterwards we all stood by the front of the church. It was sunny and the warmth was welcoming.
My Guess shades came in handy as I scouted the area searching through the crowd to see who I knew. It was Sara who stood out for me with her colorful blue dress. The light of the nice Saturday afternoon made her stand out from the others. Of course, I stood out, though I was wearing a charcoal suit, it was how the whole suit fitted me that made me stand out. I watched her as she pulled out of circle of friends to make a phone-call. She stood by near where I was standing. When she finished her call, she walked past me. She glanced towards me for a split-second, but because I had reflective shades she couldn't make out if I saw looking at her or not. So she went back to her friends. Already, at this point, I knew what she thought about me was different to Easter.

The reception came next. I didn't talk to her at the reception front, it wasn't until the fair bit of the night that I finally walked up to her to say hi. She was talking to a friend, Max, who I just met again not too long ago. I was surprised that they knew each other. My first question was a query onto how they knew each other. I didn't listened to exactly what she said. Predicted, she asked me back how do I know her friend. Max answer in my behalf that we both did an animation college degree a few years back. She seemed impressed. I left it at there for now.
The night progressed and more I noticed that Max was really into Sara. He was always by her side, trying to win her attention. It reminded me of myself back at the Easter party. I was certain that she was more focused on me than Max. I saw an opportunity when everyone on Sara's table had went over to the lounge area to take photo's of each other. I jumped into this as soon as I found out. In the end of that, I found myself having my photo taken with Sara, or that she wanted to take and photo me of me and her.

I significant part of the night for me and Sara was the guestbook. I happened to spot a book that everyone was signing. When I walked to it, Sara happened to be signing it. I saw that she had written a small little message for the bride and the groom and that she had over used the word "awesome". I pointed it out. She pouted and challenged me to do a better job. I took upon that offer as I picked up a pen. She watched me pick up the pen and then look back her. She awaited for me write something. When I realized that she was gonna watch me do a 'better job' than me, I playfully snapped at her and ran.
I came back when she wasn't around and drew a picture of the bride and groom just below Sara's message. I then went on to write a message overusing the word "awesome" to tease Sara. It wasn't long until she saw the message. I wasn't too far from the book and I saw her read the message. She immediately saw me and walk towards me. I ran. She chased me around the tables. It was Max who playful grabbed her, yelling out "I got her! Run Chase!". As I made my escape, I heard her call out to me "No! I just wanted to say that it was a good drawing!". I laughed in my head but still made my escape.

The night came to a close not too long after that. I found myself at a mini photobooth that was set up for a bit of fun. Of course, I wanted to do this before the night ended. I was joined with Micheal and his wife Samantha after a few shots. I peered outside the booth to see who I could make join the photo and it happened to be Sara who was walked towards the booth. I grabbed her arm and got her quickly to join in one last photo. But that was it. The night ended not too long after that. I was really drunk the whole time and I did have a conversation one on one with Sara at one point (which though ended quickly when the DJ played my song and I bolted to the dance floor). But it was good.
Sara was different the second time around and I know this part of the story is just started to get going.

Magic

My Monday morning started with a phone call. It was Kayla. She told me that she woke up and she realised what she wanted to do today. This was a follow up call after I called Kayla the day before on my lunchbreak, that call was to see if she wanted to do a real full-day catch up the next day. I'm not sure on this, but she said something on the lines of that had to call me straight away when she woke up. She laughed and apologised that she woke me up. I told her it was fine, rolled over and got a little more comfortable. I knew how our phone conversations would go, most of the time one thing lasts about an hour. She ended up wanting to watch “Magic Mike” because she hadn’t seen it yet. We planned it out that we couldn’t watch it until later on the day, so we had a full day to do whatever. Being tired and still in bed, one of those things to do was rest. We both laughed on the irony upon that. We went on to confirm exactly what we were to do and ended the conversation there.

Kayla came over as I was the middle of doing my laundry. It was already one in the afternoon, at that point I was pretty hungry. We left not too long afterwards to get lunch at a coffee house. We sat down with a bowl of nachos and wedges. We got through most of it, given that we didn’t stay there for long, it was a good effort. We headed back to Kayla’s place. We had to kill at least two hours before Kayla’s gym appointment. She didn’t want to do anything but to sleep, so when we got back to her house she went straight to her bed. I wasn’t too sure what she wanted me to do. So instead, I started to go through her kitchen. I pulled out her Hello Kitty mug and started to have a little fun. I mixed together some liquid chocolate, powered cocoa, water, vegetable oil, salt, flour, sugar, honey, vanilla essence, and other shit and popped that thing into the microwave. As that went, I raided her freezer for some ice-cream. I scooped up a ball of ice-cream and placed it in a plate. By that time, I took out the mug and scooped out the mug brownie I had just made.
I took the plate and walked into Kayla’s bedroom. She was asleep. I sneaked in and stuck the plate right in front of her and then snuck out.

I returned to her room after awhile. She was still asleep but she had finished my brownie. I jumped onto the other side of the queen-sized bed. There was a fair bit of clothes on the side I sat on, so I didn’t lie down next to her. She turned to me and asked me why I wasn’t having a rest. She then looked down the bed and realised why, she then told me to move the stuff onto the floor. I did as she said and I lied right next to her. Because she turned around, she was lying right in the middle of the bed facing me. I was confused at this point. Where was she trying to get at? This isn’t something you do with your ex-girlfriend. Lying under the covers of your ex’s bed. So many times I have slept in this bed, some many times I’ve slept with her in this bed. I wasn’t tired, but I lied down facing toward her too. Except I hid behind the pillows and the sheets. She couldn’t see me, she tried pulling on the sheets asking me what am I doing? I laughed, but we tried going to sleep. I slowly moved forward. But nothing. I didn’t want to read into this. Eventually, I decided that I want to fuck around to test her where I was at with her. I started to fidget around, attempting to annoy Kayla by disrupting her nap. I started to jump onto her and lie on her. I’d headbutt her stomach and grab her foot. Eventually she gave up on trying to sleep. Among her being annoyed, she was laughing at me being an idiot. Once she gave up, she told me to stop so she go out and pee. Because of my cheekiness, this fuelled myself up. Starting poking her bladder and wrestling with her. Still laughing, she stop trying to resist and just layed there. I smiled trying to help her up as I kept trying to tell her she needed to pee and that she shouldn’t hold it because it’s bad for her. But she’s known me for so long that there was a method behind my madness and the moment I would have pulled her up I would have wrestled her back down. We laughed. Wasn’t a split second later that she ran for the door, she slipped past me. I ran after to her and jumped on top of her for a piggyback, attempted twice but since she had no energy she didn’t bother to hold me, plus the fact she wanted to go to the toilet. She ran again to the toilet and I tried jumping in at the same time but she was too fast for me, she pushed me out and shut the door on me. I laid there just on the front of the bathroom door. I made her laughed as I displayed my disgust as I could hear her pee. Eventually she came out and we decided it was time to go to the gym. 
The gym we went to wasn’t my gym, but I decided to go with Kayla anyways. As a casual visitor, it cost me $20, which was expensive as I pay less than that a fortnight at my normal gym. But I thought it would be fun going to the gym with her. We both did our separate things, she joined her group session and I went straight to the dumbbells. It wasn’t too long until Kayla found me to tell me she was done, I looked at the time and saw that it was only forty minutes that had passed. I asked if she wanted to do some cardio, she agreed and I told her I’d meet her there once I was done with my final exercise. I met up with Kayla about five to ten minutes later, she was walking on the treadmill. I wanted to go hardcore, but her tiredness restricted her from doing anything really. We then left after ten minutes on the treadmill.

It was eight o’clock, we sat in the car and remembered about the movie. We noticed that the next movie session for “Magic Mike” was at nine-thirty. Kayla told me that we might as wait for that session and joked about craving popcorn. She laughed and admitted that she did want to see the movie, but she wanted popcorn more. I told her, that we might as well go back to her house because I left my phone at her place and kill time there.
We got her joint again and she went off to have a shower. She told me that I could use her shower after her. We took our time getting changed. I walked out of the shower and changed back into the same clothes I was wearing during the day, I grabbed a nearby towel and scrubbed my hair hard. As I dried my hair I walked over to Kayla’s room again. She’d had already changed into what she wanted to wear and her hair was already straighten. I told her I liked her hair like that. It reminded me of the old Kayla, as when we first dated she used to straighten her hair. Now-a-days, she would curl her hair. She her with straighten hair made me reminisce. I told her that she looked amazing. She smiled back and said thanks.

We saw the movie, we were rowdy during the adverts, but we settled during the movie as there was another couple in the cinemas. We would glance eyes once in awhile. The movie was nearly finished, I noticed that her eyes were teary. It wasn’t a sad movie, so I whisper over to her and asked if she was okay. She looked back and nodded. Concerned, I asked again if she was just tired. She rubbed her eyes and said yeah and something about her eyelashes. Anyways, the movie ended and we headed off home.
She was the one who decided to drive, because she wanted to listen to her music, so she had to take me home. On the way home we talked about the day. I apologised about annoying her earlier when she tried to sleep. She really didn’t really have much sleep and she could have done with some rest. She told me that she gets annoyed when people tickle her. I told her that I knew that and that even though I was playing around, I tried not to tickle her that much. She told me that I didn’t tickle her, I was just wrestling. So I apologised for that. She smile and told me not to apologise, she likes it. She just doesn’t like it when she’s tired, that she wishes she had more energy. I tired apologising for that, but she kept saying don’t say sorry. I’m not sure what she was trying to get at, but I think she misses me and my antics. She just didn’t want to mention it.
For everything that had happened during the whole day, I kept wondering where we were at in our relationship. Are we more than friends but less than a couple? I’m pretty sure exes don’t do this kind of stuff with each other. I sure she doesn’t want to do anything, even if she invited me to her bed. This being the third time since we split (sorry, I failed to mention the two particular times in story of how that came about). So many times she pushes me away, so many times the connotation of what she says is to tell me that she just wants to be friends, but it always seems that her heart isn’t in what she says. Somehow I feel that her heart is confused. That’s why I don’t want to chance anything, I don’t want to risk anything. Maybe I just have wait for her to realise.

As we pulled up to the front of my place, I said my thanks and byes. I went over to give her a hug but she was too tired to give one back so she just lent over for me to hug her. I joked and mocked her huggingness. She laughed and realised how funny it was. So when I went to hug her, she hugged me back. She left and I thought to myself that I really did have fun. I guess, I’ll just leave it like that.

Trivial

It’s been awhile since I've written here, mainly because nothing really has happened since. Not even my birthday was not worth mentioning.

I’m not joking when I say nothing has been happening, there is a few reasons why. One of those reasons is because I'm not doing anything anymore. Not sure why, but I seemed to make excuses not do anything; I don’t have any money, I need to study, I don’t think I have a ride back home, I can’t be fucked, and so on. But these reasons are nothing, most of them are what they are: just excuses. I have been starting to feel that I am going downhill with myself. So because of that I had decided that I would stop saying "no" and start doing things. Anything.

One of the first people who I told this to was my close friend Lei, this led her to invite me to her social weekly trivia night. I’ve been going to these nights even though I don’t much as in helping out answer trivia questions but it serves as a good social. This has been going on for a few weeks now.

Last Wednesday happened to be one of the trivia goers’ birthday, the day which trivia night lies upon. Knowing that it was one of Kayla’s good friends that it happened to be the birthday girl, I knew was going to see Kayla. Since I haven’t said “no” to go to trivia since I started going, the only way I was to not see Kayla was to say “no”… but I wasn’t going to break everything just because of Kayla.

So despite the situation my promise to myself got me into, I decided just to go visit Kayla anyways. I headed over to Kayla’s just after leaving  Lei’s house since she lives just around the corner from her.

It was seven at night, though Kayla was surprised to see me. She was in her gym clothes as she just came back from the gym. It was good timing as she was in the process of moving furniture, so I guess it was a good thing that I dropped by. After moving everything except for her bed, we sat in an empty room and caught up on what had happened with us over the last few weeks we hadn’t seen each other.

Trivia night came two nights later and a couple of issues had came about. The night was planned that Kayla and her best friend, Cassie, were to come with Lei. It was Lei who was going to drive them up along with the birthday girl, but that changed quickly. It was something about Kayla having to drive because there wasn’t enough people to fit in the car. Because the plan had changed without Kayla and Cassie knowing, also for them to end up with the short end of the stick, this angered the both of them. I knew that shit would have been worst if I hadn’t decided to drive the two girls up. The night didn’t turn out that well for the two in the end, grumpy and bitching all the way home, I drove the two back to Kayla’s house. Once we got there, Cassie said her byes and drove home. For me, I asked Kayla if I could come in and use her toilet to pee.

By the time I came out I saw that Kayla had already changed into her sleepwear and night gown. She was about to say bye but I asked her for a second to talk. The both of us walked over to mattress, it was on her ground as her bed was dissembled. We both sat on her mattress cross legged and we talked in the darkness. We whispered throughout the conversation. We talked about the night, Lei and the current state of us. Though it wasn’t the best topics and at one point Kayla teared up, but in the end, sitting in the darkness we had a moment.

Paige

My 24th birthday was an interesting night for me. But before I can explain what exactly happened and why shit went down the way it did for both Natasha and the other girl named Paige, I need to tell you the story about Paige...

Paige has long dark brown hair that she usually wears down. Her fashion mostly consists of tight tank tops and black tights as pants. She's covered with tattoos and has a fair bit of piercings here and there. Paige isn't the most hottest girl, but she's still amazingly pretty. She wouldn't have trouble talking to guys when she goes out. The trouble is that even though she knows this, she finds it trouble finding an initial connection with the guys.

The story of Paige starts back June last year. Exactly the weekend after me and Kayla had broken up. Obviously this was a different Chase we're talking about here. So many mixed emotions; upset that it ended, happy that I'm free to do my own thing, the need and want for something more, wanting to forget and everything in between. I had just starting seeing again my close friend from my old high school, Pamela. She invited me to come out that weekend because it was her boyfriend's sister's birthday. Well, I was going to see Pamela anyways because it had been a regular thing anyways for the last few Saturdays. So on her twenty-third birthday, I got introduced to this girl named Paige.
Over the last few Saturdays, Pamela and her friends had been going to this bar nightclub called Persuasion. It was expected that we'd go there every Saturday, so for Paige's birthday, that's where we all went. We all got there and we all went straight to the smoking room. I started talking to one of Pamela's boyfriends close friend, Glenn. I had similar interests in video games with him. We talked about the many games we grew up with, like Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. It wasn't too long that Paige joined into the conversation, asking "Oh my God. Who do you use in Mortal Kombat?". I responded with Sub Zero, I was not only shocked that a girl like her would ask that exact question but also the fact she uses the same character as me. Eventually not too long after that it was only me and Paige talking. We started talking about everything, but mostly teasing each other about the smallest things about her other and laughing about them. Mainly talking about Star Wars and Star Trek, which she was defending Star Trek. This went on for the rest of the night.
This flowed through to the next Saturday night where the exact same thing happened, though this time around she had added me onto Facebook and we had fun posting upon each other's walls.

With the huge rapport that me and Paige had, it wasn't too long that we had started to message each other frequently. I found myself constantly on my phone at work and home messaging her. At the time, the last Harry Potter film came about. I was on the phone with my other best friend, Link (His actual name is Lincon, but as a kid, they referred to him as Link as the Zelda game were really popular at the time). He told me that he was going to see it with his girlfriend and asked me if I wanted to come, I didn't want to see it but Kayla had dragged me to see every other film except the last. So I was forced to watch it to at least find out what happened in the end. Link mentioned that he was going to spend a little more and go see it in the fancy cinemas, which meant they're were all in double seating. I had not thought about it but I was going to see it but it'd be still sitting by myself. I thought about it and asked Paige if she wanted to come. She said yes.
We went to see the film but because of our type of friendship, we ended up not watching the film but ended up play fighting the other time. We weren't watching the film but throwing chocolate at each other. Afterwards I dropped off home both Link and his girlfriend home, I then turned to Paige and asked her if she was hungry. She didn't mind. I took her to a twenty-four hour pancake place. We talked all the way to two in the morning.
We left and we got to my car. I lent over her. Smiling and playing around with her. I was trying to go for the kiss, but she put a wall between her and me, preventing me to do anything. I gave in not too long after that, embarrassed but didn't show it.
Paige and my friendship grew further as we started going out to grab something to eat and going to football games with each other. She even sent me a half naked photo of herself. I thought there was going to be something more. But something happened. Suddenly there we're holes in the stories she told me and things started to slow down between us.

Circle of Death, it's a drinking card game that every time I play it something evil happens. For example, the time I got introduced to this game and when I first played it, I had passed out within the first hour and found myself somewhere two cities away within the next hour when I woke up. I had also no underwear. The second time, this time when I passed out and awoke the next hour, everyone was naked but me. Freaked out, I ran out of the house. The third time involved me half naked with me being stripped down to my underwear and my pants down to my ankles. Not sure how to explain that one to all my friends who saw a picture of me passed out like that. The forth involved a threesome with Paige, another girl... and Glenn.
Though the many times Paige had denied it to my face, that was it...

I had became closer friends to Glenn and later he would confirm it. Being close friends with Glenn was hard when Paige and him became unofficially together. I came to except it without thinking and much time. I didn't need all these lies and games. Paige didn't hurt me because she didn't want me at all, she expressed it. Paige's story has more dept to it, but I shouldn't bother. Paige isn't the type of girl I should be chasing at all.

I really wanted the story to end there. But life never plans out the way you want it be sometimes, I see still her and each time I see her it's always messy.  I really wanted the story to end there.

Oranges

 
The story of the night didn't end just after the football game, no there was more to it than that. I was just about post the second half of the story when my sister, Summer, gave me a call. I had just written the first two lines when she interrupted me. She asked if I could drive back up the city to help her out, she was stuck outside her apartment. Well, I didn't mind going for a drive so I gathered some stuff that she wanted and her spare keys. I hopped into my car and just before I decided to head off, I decided to call Kayla.

Kayla picked up and I asked "Hey, you doing anything? Wanna kill a few hours with me? I just need a go for a drive and I would like some company". She told me she needed to just needed to get changed real quick and she'll be out. I told her it'll be at least ten minutes before I reach your house anyways, so no stress.
I picked her up and I drove up to the city. There was a bit of small talk but nothing too major. We reached Summer's apartment and we met up with her. I gave her what she wanted and we headed back home.

The drive home was a lot different to the one on the way home. It wasn't small talk, it had quite a bit of emotion into it. Not her emotion, but mine. I told her that I wasn't happy. This came to a shock to her because she thought I was happy. I said I wasn't. Every time I saw Kayla, everything didn't matter and I forgot about my problems. Maybe that's what she saw, the expression on my face when I was with her told her that I didn't have a worry in the worry. That I was happy. I told her this whole year that has past sucked, everything about it except me getting accepted back into college. I hated it, somehow I didn't feel I was good enough for anything anymore. She reassured me that I've got it all wrong. She stated that I was a good person, that there's nothing wrong with me, that I was the most amazing person, that I made everyone smile and laugh, and my laugh itself is awesome. She told me whatever it is, I was worth it, better than being good enough. She said she knew it, she knew it more than anyone because she knows me better than anyone. She wouldn't have dated me for five years if she didn't and I wouldn't still be her best friend if I wasn't.

We finally got back to her house and I asked her "So why am I not good enough for you?" She knew that's what I meant in the first place but she didn't want to head into that area. She didn't want to because we've had this conversation before so many times before. She knew what I was gonna say and I knew what she was gonna say. But eventually was started talking. We talked about what we wanted and want we both didn't want. In the end I told her this: "Think we should stop seeing each other. It's too hard to see you anymore. Remember last Saturday? Do you know why I called you when you got home and told you what I wanted for my birthday? It because we were staring at each other in the car for an hour talking... I looked at you and I fall in love. Every time I see your face, I fall in love."

As easy it sounds, you think that would be the answer but it's not. It doesn't work this way. I looked at her and told her that this isn't working, because we don't seem to reach an agreement. It always comes to an eventual loop to the whole thing and nothing gets resolved. She agreed, every time we say something about not seeing each other, we eventually seem to find each other again. I stopped what I was going to say and remembered the advice I gave Riker not too long ago: Conflict cannot be resolved over compensation. Think of an orange. Both of us want the orange and you'd think cutting the orange in half would be the most logical thing to do. No it's not. By cutting it in half, one half might be bigger than the other, resulting in one person complaining that the other person got more. It's not an equal neutral solution and so that results in be an compensation. Kayla looked at me and asked "So what do we do?". I told her we need to think about the orange and to actually talk about what about the orange we want. Instead of just saying you want the orange, talk about the reason and outcome you want out of the situation. Because one person might want the rinds to make a cake and the other might want the juice. That way both sides get want they want, which doesn't resolve in cutting it in half or compensating. Kayla stopped to think.
She'd rather to stopping seeing me than to hurt me. She wants be friends, but if it hurts me too much then she rather not see me. Then it was me. I thought about it, but I didn't come up with anything. Funny, I came up with the orange theory and I couldn't apply it myself. Thinking further, not seeing each other is what Kayla wanted in the end. If we were not too see each other, I would stop being in love with her and just be friends. Again, compensation. I looked up to the ceiling of my car. "There's nothing you can do, it's all up to me isn't it?" Kayla didn't say anything. She couldn't do anything, she didn't want to force herself to love me, she wouldn't be happy in that relationship. She wanted me and who I have became, but she wanted me before when we were dating. When we broke up everything had changed, more specifically she'd changed. I'm fighting a losing battle and the more I fight, the more it doesn't make anymore sense. It hurts, but that was it.
She asked me if I wanted to do something together for my birthday. I said yes, one final thing and I knew exactly what I wanted to do.
Kayla told me that I should try and stop thinking this way, she believed I was worth more than I think I am. She wanted me to be happy because despite everything, she still cares the world about me. Kayla reached over to hug me. I softly lied my head onto hers and told her "I'm sorry, I miss you"
She whispered back, "I miss you too"

She got out of the car. Before she shut the door, she told me that she meant everything she had said from the bottom of her heart. You could tell she didn't want to leave me the emotional mess that I am but she really needed to go. She waited for me collect my thoughts, then I finally looked up at her eyes and told her "I love you"
Kayla smiled and gently said back "...I love you too"

Confessions

Interesting train ride home just less than hour ago. I caught the train back home with Natalie and I just learnt a few things about Natasha that just made everything a bit more confusing.

Straight from her best friends mouth, Natasha is not interested in me.
I'm not sure how to put this but if the best friend says so, it must be true. But I'm confused as to anything onto why Nat would yes to go out on a double date as my date on the first place now. Maybe she was just generous in the end, would explain a lot of things. That or she's just leading me on with everything. Which also doesn't make sense because I'm not even showing the biggest interest in her. Trust me, I'm not as interested as I make it out to be. The reason is because there isn't a connection or some kind of click between us, and I'm pretty sure now it's because she thinks she's too good for me. Now I know that's a bold claim, but again that's coming from the mouth of the best friend and that's what exactly she told me. The exact words were "She's now doing some model shots of her, now she thinks because she's a model that she has to date a model".
Without going on and making it what it sounds like now a gossip session or some kind of bitching girls do, my interest in Nat has dropped lower. Now I feel that she really wasn't worth blogging about.

The funny thing about all this is that I found out also from Natalie is that Riker thinks that Natasha and I would be a good match for each other. Out the four of us, I'm pretty sure he's the only one who thinks this. I'd think I play around with Riker's head for the fun of all this, I know that would be an interesting thought.
Though on a serious note, the last guy Nat truly dated was the close friend Riker and Natalie set up for her. That turned out horribly wrong. Thinking about it further, I got told that Natalie and Riker secretly high-fived each other when the other Nat said yes. Was she happy for both Nat and Riker? No, because she told me she didn't think it was a good idea if me and Natasha got together.
Man, I don't understand this whole thing anymore. Seriously.

Lucky for me, Natasha and Riker couldn't make it to Disney On Ice. So the double date's not going ahead as planned. This officially ends the chapter on Nat... well, at least for now.

Football

I got a phone call my best friend Riker during sometime last week. He asked me if I wanted attend game that was on the upcoming Saturday. My team happened to be playing his, he told me that if I were up for it Natasha was going to get us some tickets. Natasha goes for the same side as Riker, so when I heard Riker told me it was Natasha who was organizing things, I knew it was going to being another of 'those' kind of nights.
What I mean by that is that it's going to be one of those 'pretty much double-date' nights, though technically I can't go ahead and call it that. Whenever Riker and his girlfriend Nat does something and they both bring their best friends, you can assume that the two best friends are forced to talk to each other when they start doing their 'couple things'. Yeah just one of 'those' nights.

The other three of us arrived at Natasha's apartment around lunchtime. As we all met Nat, she managed to get a quick tease about how her team was gonna beat my team by more than double the score, I made a face to her pretending to be upset as a joke. We then headed off to catch the train but we had just missed it and the next one that would be coming by would not be awhile. Riker and Natalie decided that they wanted to quickly get something to eat, so I was left with the other Nat. I initially liked that I already had time alone with her, but as I predicted it wasn't much of a conversation. She kept trying to initiate a conversation, but every attempt lead to an awkward pause. I would smile or laugh in response and just agree. She made a joke about both if Riker and Natalie missed the train, we'd have to meet them in the city and that would be funny. Again I laughed in response and agreed. But both Riker and his girlfriend did managed to get to the train on time, but only just.

The train ride wasn't that bad. I talked to Natasha most of the ride, pretty much just about our fantasy football teams and then internet memes. This lead for both me and Riker to educate the two Nats on the 101 of internet memes. We finally got to the city, it was decided that we were split our separate  ways before the game. Both me and Riker were going to Comic Con and the other two girls were going shopping. So while the Nats shopped and did their girly girl stuff, me and Riker were giving a treat to our inner nerds. Though only after a few hours, the four of us had enough and decided to hit up a restaurant for some food.
Me and Riker were late because we had to walk all the way up to the restaurant, which felt like a walk to the other side of the city. At the end of that long journey of a walk, I found myself sitting next to Natasha at the booth. Both the Nat's were sitting in the middle and as Riker sat next to her girlfriend, I had to sit next to Natasha. I was happy to see that they ordered a Blonde for me, which was my choice of beer. We ordered. Natasha was tossing up on two choices on the menu, but as the other Nat was busy talking to Riker, I was forced to put my opinion on her choice. It felt like that throughout the time we were at the restaurant. The most interesting thing out of the night though was that she successfully name out what Riker bought from the convention. It was a pair of gloves that Knuckles the Echidna wore in the Sonic the Hedgehog video game series. She smiled when I turned to look at her in shock, she let out a small giggle as she said "Pretty good, when all I had was a Nintendo as I grew up". I had to high-five her, I really had to.

It was time for the game. Because I was leading the group I sat down first, I found that it was Natasha who was the one who sat next to me, followed by Riker and then Natalie at the end. Again I was forced to talk to her, though I make it sound like a bad thing, it was pretty good. My team started the game under-preforming as Nat's team just kept getting points on the board. It was horrible as I displayed through my expressions on my face, Nat enjoyed them. The break came and I decided the both of us should get a beer, she didn't like the thought exactly because she didn't like of the selection of beers they served at the football. I was offended by what she said, I asked her why would she say that when my choice of beer is on the list. Not knowing that they sold Blondies at the football, she smiled and then agreed.
We got back to our seats, but we decided to move up seats so that the people to the left of us could get their friends to sit with them since there was space next to where I sat. Because of this idea, I got pushed over to the other side of the group and now sitting next to the other Nat. For the rest of the night, I didn't really get to speak to Natasha, and she seemed more quiet of the rest of the night.

As I talked to Riker's Nat, the topic of going to Disney on Ice came up. This was a conversation I had with her a few weeks ago. I had told Natalie that if Brittney said yes when I asked her out, I would eventually organize an actual double date to go see the show with an ice-skating session afterwards. But as you know, I eventually found out Brittney has a boyfriend, so there went that idea. I laughed to Natalie and said no, it's not going to happen anymore. She pouted. I told her we'd still go if she could find me a date for the double date. As I said that statement I absolutely predicted exactly would happen next; Natalie turned to her boyfriend and told him to find a date for a me, Riker then turned to the other Nat and asked if she wanted to be my date. Whether it be out of generosity, because she did want to go to see Disney on Ice, or maybe she likes me... but she said yes.

Natasha

It was New Years two years ago. I decided to spend it with my best friend, Riker for the first time ever. He's always threw a New Years party, yet even though he was my best friend, I had never attended any of the famous parties he threw for New Years. The reason was Kayla. Most New Years we would spend it with her friends rather than mine. I talked to Kayla about attending Riker's party, she understood that I've always wanted to go since I haven't been to one ever. So we both agreed for just this New Years, we would spend it apart just this once... not knowing that this was the last New Years we would have spent together as a couple. 

This was not the first time I would have met Natasha. That would be Riker's girlfriend's birthday sometime that year, coincidentally her name was also Nat. Riker's Nat, Natalie, I had became friends with just not too long after they decided to start seeing each other. Natalie's best friend, Natasha, though I met during Riker's girlfriend's birthday but it was only until Riker's New Years party that we became friends with each other. 

Natasha is tall, blonde and she loves her sports. I don't have that many things in common in Nat at all. But at Riker's New Years party I got drunk, really really drunk. For some reason I found myself talking to Nat the whole time. By the end of a long night I crashed on the sofa. By the next morning I found an extra pillow on the ground. It wouldn't have been an issue if I didn't overhear the two Nat's talking the next morning. It got my suspicions arousing. Did Nat sleep next to me that night? She knew I had a girlfriend, but I clearly remember her walking into a different room to sleep. It was something I never got to clarify. 

Nat's story continues a whole year later. I had been single for half a year, she was single for a couple of months. I met her again during my 24th birthday last year, which is a major story itself, and found out that she had been set up on a date with one of Riker's close friends recently. Apparently she really took a shining towards him too. I gave up my attempts, I wasn't the best anyway since I was still torn up with a girl named Paige at the time. But by the time the next New Years rolled around, both Nat's best friend and Paige were long gone. So anything that could have happened during this New Years party. 

But as you know from the Brittney story, I'm not too good with sinking in the shot. Getting to the point is easy, it's what happens afterwards is where I lack the experience. Interesting to say, Nat was definitely interested in me after an infamous stripping poker game. Apparently she wasn't the only one after stripping in front of a half naked wasted chick who was married. 

I've had my opportunities with Nat come and go. I'm now hearing all this stuff about her and that she was now sleeping around with these other guys. But that was my fault because I was too scared to really take that opportunity. Now over time I'm starting to lose interest with Natasha. As I said, we really don't have much in common interests and I am struggling to keep a conversation with her. It sounds as if Nat wouldn't been worth writing about but with the situations being covered, I think something might be there. 

I know she's interested in me. So there is something in the water...

Courage

Every time I walked into this small store full of guys tees and snapbacks, I tend to do everything opposite I plan to do. In my mind, I picture walking up to Brittney and telling her some amazing story that just happened. We would laugh, might buy a shirt or two, and then end it by asking her if she wanted to do something sometime. My confidence even would soar up just before I see her because I picture this whole thing of what would happened if she agreed to go out with me. Y'know the flowers, the dinner, the long romantic walk, and all that awesome lovey-dovey crap. But it never turns out the way that I plan out from inside my head. I would walk in and get the talking bit down, everything is good up to the point where the pressure of everything begins alters the story that I initially planned. Because of that, I just ruined everything I was leading up to. Panic sets in and I start to feel that I am gonna crash and burn, at this point I tend to buy something out of random's sake just to prolong the visit. I buy something, something random. Afterwards she hands me the bag, she smiles to me and starts to greet a farewell. This is the point where I should be asking her out, ruined plan or not. But no, nothing. I choke. This forces me to end the visit there, leaving saying bye. Every single damn time. Seriously.

I had an interesting time after the visit to the flagship store. Though the same thing happened where I choke and everything that follows, but this visit was more interesting than the others. She brought out a tee from a different part of the store and told me to try it on. So I did. I walked out of the change room with the shirt on and realized that it was actually a really good fit. Usually I am never this vain, but I noticed that the session at the gym paid off when I went the day before. The tee hugged my body nicely that I could see the muscles I have been trying to work on finally appear. I never noticed the way my body has formed from the gym, it was the first time I've seen my body the way it was... and I was pretty sure it was Brittney's first time too. When I changed back to my clothes I was originally wearing, I came back out from the change rooms and went straight to Brittney for the purchase. To my surprise something was different. I suddenly noticed it was Brittney's appearance that had changed. She looked much sexier and more attractive than I've ever seen her. It was then that I released that Brittney removed her hair from the ponytail that she usually sets her hair in and actually let her hair down. I've never seen her like this but I really liked it. This led me to start thinking, confused but was she trying to impress me back by letting her hair down? I wasn't sure exactly whether she was or not, but it was something that racked my mind all the way back to my house.
A simple post on Facebook changed the way I thought. My post on my Facebook profile read "Need girl advice peoples: If a chick has her hair in ponytail all day, but let's her hair down when she randomly meets a certain guy... does that mean she's trying to present herself to that guy and she's interested in him?". The results came back interesting. A few comments told me that it was nothing really. Though the majority of the others told that not only she was interested but that I should go ahead and ask her out. This changed everything, even though that now I had so many people riding upon me to go ask her out, my confidence grew and now I couldn't wait to see her next.
Unfortunately, I didn't get to see her until two weeks later. Maybe it was because she wasn't working the times I headed over to this store, maybe it was bad timing, or it could have been anything. I don't know. But it was only last Friday that I woke up with a different feeling. I got up and felt good about the the day. My confidence was as high as anything and I had my full intentions to ask her out. Nothing was gonna stop me now.

So what exactly happened, you ask? I decided to travel over to the store during my lunch break with hopes to finally see her and get it over and done with. With this feeling and motivation, you'd think it was enough. Sadly no, it actually wasn't the time. Like every other time, I had failed to get myself to do it. What was worst was that I walked out with no date and another purchased item that I didn't really need. I have no idea what happened, with the approval of all my friends and the confidence as high as anything, I was surely confident that this was the day of all days. I walked back to my next class and slumped down on my chair. I thought that was it, I gave up and thought that today's not the day and that was it for today. Apparently fate thought had other plans for me that day.
For some reason, the subject in my class suddenly changed to 'the effects of negative and positive mindsets'. The educator started to lecture on how a negative mindset would not get what they want, whereas the positive mindset would most likely achieve what they set out to do. Negatives only focused on the bad things, the worry about about how things will fail. Positives though get what need and want because they focus on the opportunities that they can achieve and that builds the confidence needed to get through it. I'm not sure why the subject of mindsets came upon when it had nothing to do with that day's class topic. But I took it to a sign. I was going to wait until after class when I looked down and found an earring. It was one earring broken and bent. The most interesting bit about it though was the shape of that one earring. The shape of it was of a little boy and a little girl kissing each other. I thought to myself 'okay, if that wasn't a sign, I'm not sure what is'. So without thinking and at the point of time, in the middle of class I walked out and went straight back to the store.

She looked up and smiled. I looked back and finally uttered that question I've been longing to ask her; "Quick question: do you want to get coffee sometime or just like hangout or something?". And that was it, I finally got to ask her out. It took months but it was over just like that. The hardest part has gone past and finally have the heavy burden feeling off my chest. In the end, she had a boyfriend. But that's okay, I got what I wanted to say out of me. She told me that she likes me and she thinks I'm hot. She didn't want to be friends because she would be scared of having a friend like me as hot as she thought I am getting her boyfriend jealous. I walked out of the store smiling. I wasn't upset or embarrassed, no, I was actually happy.

This chapter may have ended but the book hasn't closed yet.
Because the one thing I got out this is about Brittney, she never actually said no...

Brittney

Wouldn't been the best place to start the story. I would rather start from the week after me and Kayla broke up but at the moment, everything and everything is happening way too fast. If I don't document what's happening in real time then I might forget something major. So for the risk of accidentally making the story worst off than it really is, I'll try my best to give a quick recap before I continue the story. For what it's worth, Brittney is the third and current girl in the series. After two unsuccessful attempts with two other girls, Brittney became my new love interest. The story might seem like I trying with multiple girls, but everything mentioned so far has been spread of a year. The start episode with Brittney had only occurred three months ago exactly at this point of writing. 

After me and Kayla broke up, I began this huge transformation. It was after losing a whole of weight, I realized it was also my wardrobe that needed a makeover of its own. None of my clothing fitted me well anymore. So instead of buying the same Chase type clothes I kept wearing, I took a different turn and decided to get clothing everyone else was wearing. The first inspiration I took upon was my brother, Matt. I started borrowing shirts from him since it was the most fitting thing that I have access to, I asked him where I could get more of these type of shirts. He mention a couple of stores which I gave shot, but in the end it eventually brought me to a small tee store in the middle of the city's main shopping mall. I've always liked a certain brand of tee called Death by Zero, but I never actually went a bought it. This store happened to have Death by Zero. So from this small store I finally bought a tee and since then it's now been my new choice of brand.
But one shirt wasn't enough I realized after a couple of weeks. So a travel back to the city was inevitable.

I walked in and was greeted by a skinny blonde by the counter. She was amazingly pretty, she had a cute smile, she wore a tight tee with shorts and a snapback cap. It wasn't too long of a browse within the store that she asked a question that shocked me; "You look different, there's something about you that I can't put my finger on." I was shocked, I didn't display it, but I was inside. This chick actually remembered me from a few weeks back? I looked at her in confusion but suggested maybe it was because I just recently had a haircut. She lit up, "Yes! That's it. Wow, you look like a rockstar!" I had to laugh in response, who would say such a thing. It was afterwards that we started talking for a good solid twenty minutes. We started talking about laughing and that I thought she would be the type that I would have fun with being drunk. We then talked about celebrities and that one of them eat at my favorite restaurant I take my dates to. Brittney told me that she liked that place, she's been there a lot though with a lot of people though not with me. I was taken back a bit with that statement, strange that she say she hadn't been there with me. We continued to talk until I decided to buy something. She recommended two shirts in which I ended up acquiring.
I found myself paying a few more visits during the following weeks after that day.

I thought about it and started to question myself being interested in her. It even fueled my questioning when I was pretty sure she was interested in me. This was when I thought I should just at least ask her out to coffee. But though when when did I decided to ask her out, she wasn't in the store. I thought about it and remembered that Brittney told me that there was another branch of this store not too far somewhere outside the city. Apparently the other store was the flagship store. I gave it a thought and in the end decided to hop onto the next train to whenever and locate this other store. And there she was.
I walked in, she didn't notice. I slowly walked to the counter, she still didn't notice. I waited and eventually she looked up, she was about to ask if she could been of any assistance but she just realized who it was. Her face lit up brighter than I have even seen. It was a mix excitement and shock. She smiled and we started to talk again. She showed me around the store, it was the same but different. She pulled out a jumper and suggested I show get it. I looked at it and I was confused onto why. It was a big blue jumper, something I wouldn't usually buy. Brittney smiled and told me that I should get it because she had the exact same top. If I were to get it we could be twins. She went on to say that we'd wear it when we get drunk together and all we'd do is giggle. Funny, what I got from that was; not "if" we ever got drunk together, but "when" we get drunk together. I was ready to ask her out there and now, but my nerves got the better of me.

It took me three months within meeting her to finally sum up the courage to ask out Brittney, but I finally did it...

Kayla

For this whole thing to make sense, I need to tell you a quick story of a girl named Kayla.

We met in senor-high. It amazed us both onto why both never knew the existence of each other throughout high school, our first class together was near to the end of our high school experience. We clicked straight away and just like that we started to fall for each other. But the start of our relationship did not have an easy start. She liked me first but wasn't sure the state of me liking her. That meaning, she knew I liked a couple of other girls. As a stupid young teenager, I wouldn't blame her for hesitating. I asked her out anyways though because she became my most liked her. She said no. Again, I didn't blame her. So I decided to take it slow and worked on our friendship instead.

We started to talk to each other every night, we saw each other every weekend and we hung out every moment at school. Something more came out of this. That something led to us engaging in our first time. It was then afterwards when our rapport together became the strongest it had ever been is that I wasn't going to ask her out. Maybe because I was too scarred from last time, I can't remember exactly. But after a push from her best friend, I asked her out. As good as it was, it only lasted a month. We tried again not too afterwards, but that only last three months. The problem was me, I still felt some strong feelings towards someone else. So after my second try with Kayla, I went for this other chick. I finally went out with other chick only to find that she was no Kayla. After a month and a huge depression stage that ruined my final exams... that was the end of that relationship and the end of high school.

I graduated and ventured upon my initial college years. Kayla met someone else over the break. But that didn't stop me from confessing my love for her intoxicated at the next party I was at that she also attended. It took a couple of weeks, but I won her back. She dumped this other guy and the next night she found herself sharing a long kiss with me.
Later she told me that she would never forgive me if we didn't last more three months. But I looked her straight in the eye and asked "Will you be my baby girl once more", and she replied with a yes. And this started a five and half year relationship. Together we experienced everything we could, but it wasn't enough by the fifth year. I gained a gut, I lost some of my friends and my life wasn't going anywhere. We weren't happy anymore. We weren't the same Chase and Kayla we were sitting at the back of the room in a physics class. So I broke up with her.

Since then, I lost my job working in a logistics warehouse but finally started to pursue my dream working in social science and psychology by going back into college doing a course studying psycho-therapy. I lost so much weight that now I have a six pack. I got in touch with some of my old friends which led me to start going out being more social. I am a totally different and better Chase... but it's not enough for Kayla anymore.

I know it was me who ended things and ruined everything. But I think I needed time for myself, some 'Chase-time'. Me and Kayla still talk to each on the phone for hours, see movies together, go shopping and eat out. We do everything we used to do, but not be together. I'm not sure, she tells me that she wants to know if there is anyone out there better, but she doesn't want to lose me. As confusing as it is, I love her and I want to fight for her still but there isn't much hope.

In six years she wants to have everything by then; kids, house, everything. I threw out a suggestion; in "How I Met Your Mother", Ted suggested to Robin that if they both turned 40 and still have not found someone, they would marry each other. I tweaked the idea so that when me and her instead turned 30 and still have not found someone, she would give me another try. I love her, but I need to start learning to be single... so this blog is the start of my story.

Pilot

My name is Chase Raine. I'm a 24 year old psycho-therapist in training. I thought I'd start a blog because all my friends tell me that every time I tell a story, I tell a story. It was not too ago that hit me when my best friend's girlfriend took a stop watch just to time me how long the story went for. If I took that long just to tell a story, in every detail, I might as well have written a paperback novel. But I won't. I don't have the skills, the resources and the time to construct the said story. Another reason is that my love story has not finished yet. I'm only in the middle of all this mess at the moment. Who knows how long it will be or what kind of story it will end up being. The whole mystery to the whole thing to myself alone was enough to start this blog.

My biggest inspiration for this whole thing is the CBS show "How I Met Your Mother". The central character is Ted Mosby, who tell his kids the tale of how he met his love of his life and the mother of his children. Everything that Ted goes through, I feel that it is similar to my experiences. From Ted's dates, to the problems with Exs, to the depression of finding someone, to the fact he's a complete dork. Another thing we share in common is that Ted and I both tell a long story.

It's funny, a guy like me, a psycho-therapist in training wouldn't be the type of person who would be depressed and lovey-dovey in all this. But to be honest, it's not that bad of a thing. My experiences helps me see upon to others, to the fact I know hurt. As a psycho-therapist though, that is a different story all together.

I want to document my story because it's not only me that finds my journey into finding the girl of my dreams exciting, there are a handful of my friends who tune in every time to hear the next episodic ordeals of my version of How I Met Your Mother.
There isn't much to say other than that. The only other thing is that this love story has began nearly six to seven years ago, pretty much it could be even stretched to twelve years due to minor details. But I don't want to waste my whole time here trying to dig up the past, it's not worth it. Instead I'll give a small summary of how the process came upon to this point.

My name is Chase... and this is my love story.