Courage

Every time I walked into this small store full of guys tees and snapbacks, I tend to do everything opposite I plan to do. In my mind, I picture walking up to Brittney and telling her some amazing story that just happened. We would laugh, might buy a shirt or two, and then end it by asking her if she wanted to do something sometime. My confidence even would soar up just before I see her because I picture this whole thing of what would happened if she agreed to go out with me. Y'know the flowers, the dinner, the long romantic walk, and all that awesome lovey-dovey crap. But it never turns out the way that I plan out from inside my head. I would walk in and get the talking bit down, everything is good up to the point where the pressure of everything begins alters the story that I initially planned. Because of that, I just ruined everything I was leading up to. Panic sets in and I start to feel that I am gonna crash and burn, at this point I tend to buy something out of random's sake just to prolong the visit. I buy something, something random. Afterwards she hands me the bag, she smiles to me and starts to greet a farewell. This is the point where I should be asking her out, ruined plan or not. But no, nothing. I choke. This forces me to end the visit there, leaving saying bye. Every single damn time. Seriously.

I had an interesting time after the visit to the flagship store. Though the same thing happened where I choke and everything that follows, but this visit was more interesting than the others. She brought out a tee from a different part of the store and told me to try it on. So I did. I walked out of the change room with the shirt on and realized that it was actually a really good fit. Usually I am never this vain, but I noticed that the session at the gym paid off when I went the day before. The tee hugged my body nicely that I could see the muscles I have been trying to work on finally appear. I never noticed the way my body has formed from the gym, it was the first time I've seen my body the way it was... and I was pretty sure it was Brittney's first time too. When I changed back to my clothes I was originally wearing, I came back out from the change rooms and went straight to Brittney for the purchase. To my surprise something was different. I suddenly noticed it was Brittney's appearance that had changed. She looked much sexier and more attractive than I've ever seen her. It was then that I released that Brittney removed her hair from the ponytail that she usually sets her hair in and actually let her hair down. I've never seen her like this but I really liked it. This led me to start thinking, confused but was she trying to impress me back by letting her hair down? I wasn't sure exactly whether she was or not, but it was something that racked my mind all the way back to my house.
A simple post on Facebook changed the way I thought. My post on my Facebook profile read "Need girl advice peoples: If a chick has her hair in ponytail all day, but let's her hair down when she randomly meets a certain guy... does that mean she's trying to present herself to that guy and she's interested in him?". The results came back interesting. A few comments told me that it was nothing really. Though the majority of the others told that not only she was interested but that I should go ahead and ask her out. This changed everything, even though that now I had so many people riding upon me to go ask her out, my confidence grew and now I couldn't wait to see her next.
Unfortunately, I didn't get to see her until two weeks later. Maybe it was because she wasn't working the times I headed over to this store, maybe it was bad timing, or it could have been anything. I don't know. But it was only last Friday that I woke up with a different feeling. I got up and felt good about the the day. My confidence was as high as anything and I had my full intentions to ask her out. Nothing was gonna stop me now.

So what exactly happened, you ask? I decided to travel over to the store during my lunch break with hopes to finally see her and get it over and done with. With this feeling and motivation, you'd think it was enough. Sadly no, it actually wasn't the time. Like every other time, I had failed to get myself to do it. What was worst was that I walked out with no date and another purchased item that I didn't really need. I have no idea what happened, with the approval of all my friends and the confidence as high as anything, I was surely confident that this was the day of all days. I walked back to my next class and slumped down on my chair. I thought that was it, I gave up and thought that today's not the day and that was it for today. Apparently fate thought had other plans for me that day.
For some reason, the subject in my class suddenly changed to 'the effects of negative and positive mindsets'. The educator started to lecture on how a negative mindset would not get what they want, whereas the positive mindset would most likely achieve what they set out to do. Negatives only focused on the bad things, the worry about about how things will fail. Positives though get what need and want because they focus on the opportunities that they can achieve and that builds the confidence needed to get through it. I'm not sure why the subject of mindsets came upon when it had nothing to do with that day's class topic. But I took it to a sign. I was going to wait until after class when I looked down and found an earring. It was one earring broken and bent. The most interesting bit about it though was the shape of that one earring. The shape of it was of a little boy and a little girl kissing each other. I thought to myself 'okay, if that wasn't a sign, I'm not sure what is'. So without thinking and at the point of time, in the middle of class I walked out and went straight back to the store.

She looked up and smiled. I looked back and finally uttered that question I've been longing to ask her; "Quick question: do you want to get coffee sometime or just like hangout or something?". And that was it, I finally got to ask her out. It took months but it was over just like that. The hardest part has gone past and finally have the heavy burden feeling off my chest. In the end, she had a boyfriend. But that's okay, I got what I wanted to say out of me. She told me that she likes me and she thinks I'm hot. She didn't want to be friends because she would be scared of having a friend like me as hot as she thought I am getting her boyfriend jealous. I walked out of the store smiling. I wasn't upset or embarrassed, no, I was actually happy.

This chapter may have ended but the book hasn't closed yet.
Because the one thing I got out this is about Brittney, she never actually said no...