Angel

Over the last month a lot of shit had happened. Mostly surrounded by death. It was doing my head in. I couldn't sleep and it showed. My emotions were going all over the place and I wasn't my normal self. I got myself in fights and damaged some friendships along the way.

I was woken up by my Ne-Yo "Let Me Love You" ringtone from my new iPhone 5. Glancing at the face of my phone, I saw it was Link. My thoughts moved back to last night as I remembering messaging a bunch of people, one of them was a message to Link stating that we should catch up soon. It really had been awhile since I've seen him. I answered. He asked if I woke me up, I lied and pretended through my voice. I always feel the need to not be tired on the phone, for some reason. Link went on to ask what I was doing today because he needed a driver for today, I said I didn't have much to do but I was tired. He laughed and bluntly told me to get my lazy ass up. Realizing how stupid my reason was, I told him I'd be around in an hour.

It was a long day and I remembered driving around for hours. I went everywhere and visited a couple of warehouses, mostly car business. I caught up with Link as we were on the road. We talked about the good times and the hard times that was the last two months or so. As the day started to wind down, we headed back home. The light began to fade from the sky but I still felt the energy to do something. That's when I suggested we should do something. But Link was so caught up with cars and work lately, he hadn't had time to go out. It had been awhile since he did anything and it had been awhile since we saw each other, so why not? He told me that would be a great idea. So after Link finished up his business, we headed inside for something to eat with Link's fiancé, had a few beers and then jumped back onto the road again. We hadn't planned much at this point, though the general consensus was to head to the city.

The casino was where we spent most of the night. Link sat on the one table the whole time, whereas I would wonder, hovering between Link's table and the surrounding others. Link had a terrible run, I didn't at first but the very end I would go all in a lose the lot. We left.
We found ourselves sitting at a lounge talking a couple of girls. The night had rolled along. Link had a long conversation with a hot blonde German girl who loved her motorbikes. She seemed to be on the same level as Link as they had a long conversation about mechanics or whatnot. As he talked to her, I started talking to another. This girl wore a brightly blue dress, she stood out pretty well. I found her pretty attractive. I thought the amount of tattoos that covered her would be a turn off for me, but that wasn't the case. It was something about her that made me intrigued about her. I think I loved the way she wore her glasses. They weren't just glasses, normal one you noticed people would wear for everyday. They weren't even fashion ones. If they were, they were stylized as nerd glasses. Maybe this was a turn on or maybe it was because she was pretty, there was something about the way she looked. It wasn't just that though. She was crazy. Her personality was so high, it matched myself when I'm on my highest. She sat down on the arm of the lounge where I was sitting. She told me that she loved my face. She began to run her hand all over my face, eventually picking my nose. She was weird. She smiled and told me "I'm so gonna corrupt you"

It wasn't too long that I found myself sitting next to her on her bed. It was now 3 O'Clock at night. I watched her as she took off her glasses and came over to me with her purse. She sat pretty close to me. She started to rummage. She told me that we were gonna do crystal meth, she told me that she wasn't gonna force me to do it, only if I wanted to do. She wasn't that type of girl to force people to do shit. My mind went through so many thoughts. First was the peer pressure to look cool front of her and the fear of her losing interest in me if I were to say no. But through all that shit, I think it was Kayla and person who I wanted to be. To break from the old Chase. So I went ahead and took a fair bit of puffs. We went through a lot within the hour. Especially for my first time. She brought her phone and asked me what type of music I like. I told her that I listen to mainly R&B and Hip Hop, but I do like other genres, notability stuff like Metallica. She looked at weird, though with a smile. Confused as she was. She was surprised that a guy like me likes Metallica. She told me that she loves Metallica and wants to tattoo the lyrics to one of their songs onto her ribs. She decided though to put some popular dance music on instead. I smiled and jumped out of bed to dance. Of course I only did so to walk over across the room to grab her glasses, I danced back and slipped back on her glasses. She started to sing, replacing some of the lyrics with my name. I laughed. We kept on smoking, taking turns taking puffs. Then the song changed to Ne-Yo's "Let Me Love You", this sparked a fire inside me. I smile and started to sing the song to her. My eyes locked onto her and I crawled onto her. She lent against the bed rest. She kissed me as I sang the line "Let Me Love You" to her. I moved onto her neck. I kissed her neck, continuing to sing. Eventually I got her naked.

And then the phone rang. She had to go.

I left saying bye though we agreed to see each other the next night. It was a good night, she helped me forget the last few days. She was a good friend as we did spend the most of the time talking about a lot of things while we smoked. But more importantly she was like her name implied, she is an Angel.

Amy

Of course, that wasn't the whole story.

I went to a wedding last Saturday and I was determined to make an impression. This was my "A-Game" and  I knew that this combined with a couple of drinks boosting my confidence would land me somewhere. It did. She goes by the name of Amy... and she's a lesbian.

We were all in the reception front floor straight after the wedding. It was a small room but we were all mingling with our groups in our own area. It stood by with my usual friends, including Riker, Natalie, Micheal and Samantha. We joked and took photos. As this was happening I was scouting around for anyone who wasn't at the wedding, maybe someone else. My attention pointed towards Sara and her group, she was with my other good friend Leda. I knew Leda from a friend given that she loves the same things that I do, like Xbox. Her red hair and amazing body was easy to spot. I noticed Max and Mandy, but no one else. The whole group consisted of a handful of people, they were all the same age bracket. They were mingling in their own group next to mine. My eye was caught across a blonde girl in a sleek black dress. Our eyes caught each other. But I made nothing of it and continued to have fun with the others. It was interesting because I happened one or more times. By this point, I nudged Riker and told him to check her out. He wasn't too fond and we continued on with our conversation.
I looked down to my glass and saw that I was empty on my second beer. I had my first, but I stole my second from Micheal. He was driving, so he didn't mind. But I was stuck now with nothing. Not too long after that, a guy walked up to me with a bottle of beer offering me for him to top up my glass. Excited, I held out my glass. I smiled and told him that I loved him. It was the blonde who spoke out and told me that I shouldn't really say that out aloud. I smiled. Though in my head I was shocked out to where she had moved to exactly behind my group without me noticing.

People started walk towards the next room not too long after that. I walked though the next room and found my place next to Riker. I could see where Leda, Sara and the blonde girl was sitting. I was sitting in the direction of where they were sitting, the table next.
The night progressed and I could see Leda pulled out her phone. She looked bored. I head over to sit on Mandy's empty chair. I have never really had any chance to speak to her at all in my life. I could at least be her good friend for the night. Though as I walked towards Mandy's chair, I noticed this blonde girl eye me off. She watched me pass her by and sit at a chair on her table. Before I really got to say hi to Leda, the blonde grabbed my attention to introduce herself. She pulled out her hand to me and said "Hi, I'm Amy". I gave her a smile back, I reached out to her hand and kissed it like a gentleman and told her my name. I have no idea why I did that or what exactly I did, all I know I was pretty drunk at this point already.

There was another moment where the whole table had left except Amy. I jumped to that opportunity but it was long until her friend had to return to her seat. The keyword though as I left was that I had taken her "girlfriend's" seat. I wasn't too sure what she had meant by that. Maybe it was just a term that she had used to call her bff. But the signs after the next had proven otherwise. She was taken, so there was no point. She played with my mind the whole night. Who was this girl?
As she left, I said my goodbyes and she left me with a teaser stating that I will see her definitely soon enough. To this day, I still don't understand what she had meant by that. And I can't stop thinking about her.

Sara

My story starts the April of this year. I got a message from Riker telling me about a friend of ours, Esther, is having an Easter party. I haven't really talked much to this friend of our of the late, but this was an Easter party, I've never been to one like this before. I've always spent Easter with either my family or Kayla's family, never with friends. So naturally, I went on to say yes.

I was drunk before I got to the party for some reason. The crazy and loud side of me was out in the open the moment I walked through the doors. I was greeted by two girls who went by the names of Sara and Mandy. Maybe it was the alcohol, but straight away I was interested in Sara. My drunken self broke into conversation with her. Throughout the night, the main topic was Sonic the Hedgehog versus Mario. In which I had to prove that Sonic was better. Sara was in the middle of this, because I was interested in her I was so persistent to get her onto my side. My best came in a form of a marriage proposal, something on the lines about give me one hundred rings for a life as I drop down to one knee. But I crashed and burn throughout the rest of the night, this was according to the Sonic argument and trying to win her over in general. She wasn't interested.
Maybe it was because I was way too drunk or maybe because I showed a fair bit of signs being interested in Esther's fiancé's 14 year sister. I won't know. By the end of it all, I said bye and made her promise me that we would see each other soon enough.

I added her on facebook. But nothing.
A chat on facebook was attempted, but in the end she just wasn't interested in me.

Everything changed though at Esther's wedding that had occurred last Saturday.
I was invited to by Esther if I wanted to come to her wedding. It was last minute but I was happily invited to attend. Again, I wasn't that close to Esther, but a wedding is a wedding. I've had my own fair share of experiences to know how it works, I've even seen a fair bit of movies and shows to back up everything. So I know I had to bring my "A-Game" to this wedding, I really had to.
I bought myself a $250 suit, spent the morning at the gym, shined my best pair of Guess shoes, spent a fair bit on a haircut and products, shaved, brought out my Guess aviator sunglasses and soaked myself in the very best of the Hugo Boss fragrance. This was my A-Game and I could do nothing more. And it showed the moment Riker and Nat arrived at the front of my apartment to pick me up. Natalie turned to Riker and told "Oh my. Riker, today you're on your own". I sat through the wedding and afterwards we all stood by the front of the church. It was sunny and the warmth was welcoming.
My Guess shades came in handy as I scouted the area searching through the crowd to see who I knew. It was Sara who stood out for me with her colorful blue dress. The light of the nice Saturday afternoon made her stand out from the others. Of course, I stood out, though I was wearing a charcoal suit, it was how the whole suit fitted me that made me stand out. I watched her as she pulled out of circle of friends to make a phone-call. She stood by near where I was standing. When she finished her call, she walked past me. She glanced towards me for a split-second, but because I had reflective shades she couldn't make out if I saw looking at her or not. So she went back to her friends. Already, at this point, I knew what she thought about me was different to Easter.

The reception came next. I didn't talk to her at the reception front, it wasn't until the fair bit of the night that I finally walked up to her to say hi. She was talking to a friend, Max, who I just met again not too long ago. I was surprised that they knew each other. My first question was a query onto how they knew each other. I didn't listened to exactly what she said. Predicted, she asked me back how do I know her friend. Max answer in my behalf that we both did an animation college degree a few years back. She seemed impressed. I left it at there for now.
The night progressed and more I noticed that Max was really into Sara. He was always by her side, trying to win her attention. It reminded me of myself back at the Easter party. I was certain that she was more focused on me than Max. I saw an opportunity when everyone on Sara's table had went over to the lounge area to take photo's of each other. I jumped into this as soon as I found out. In the end of that, I found myself having my photo taken with Sara, or that she wanted to take and photo me of me and her.

I significant part of the night for me and Sara was the guestbook. I happened to spot a book that everyone was signing. When I walked to it, Sara happened to be signing it. I saw that she had written a small little message for the bride and the groom and that she had over used the word "awesome". I pointed it out. She pouted and challenged me to do a better job. I took upon that offer as I picked up a pen. She watched me pick up the pen and then look back her. She awaited for me write something. When I realized that she was gonna watch me do a 'better job' than me, I playfully snapped at her and ran.
I came back when she wasn't around and drew a picture of the bride and groom just below Sara's message. I then went on to write a message overusing the word "awesome" to tease Sara. It wasn't long until she saw the message. I wasn't too far from the book and I saw her read the message. She immediately saw me and walk towards me. I ran. She chased me around the tables. It was Max who playful grabbed her, yelling out "I got her! Run Chase!". As I made my escape, I heard her call out to me "No! I just wanted to say that it was a good drawing!". I laughed in my head but still made my escape.

The night came to a close not too long after that. I found myself at a mini photobooth that was set up for a bit of fun. Of course, I wanted to do this before the night ended. I was joined with Micheal and his wife Samantha after a few shots. I peered outside the booth to see who I could make join the photo and it happened to be Sara who was walked towards the booth. I grabbed her arm and got her quickly to join in one last photo. But that was it. The night ended not too long after that. I was really drunk the whole time and I did have a conversation one on one with Sara at one point (which though ended quickly when the DJ played my song and I bolted to the dance floor). But it was good.
Sara was different the second time around and I know this part of the story is just started to get going.

Magic

My Monday morning started with a phone call. It was Kayla. She told me that she woke up and she realised what she wanted to do today. This was a follow up call after I called Kayla the day before on my lunchbreak, that call was to see if she wanted to do a real full-day catch up the next day. I'm not sure on this, but she said something on the lines of that had to call me straight away when she woke up. She laughed and apologised that she woke me up. I told her it was fine, rolled over and got a little more comfortable. I knew how our phone conversations would go, most of the time one thing lasts about an hour. She ended up wanting to watch “Magic Mike” because she hadn’t seen it yet. We planned it out that we couldn’t watch it until later on the day, so we had a full day to do whatever. Being tired and still in bed, one of those things to do was rest. We both laughed on the irony upon that. We went on to confirm exactly what we were to do and ended the conversation there.

Kayla came over as I was the middle of doing my laundry. It was already one in the afternoon, at that point I was pretty hungry. We left not too long afterwards to get lunch at a coffee house. We sat down with a bowl of nachos and wedges. We got through most of it, given that we didn’t stay there for long, it was a good effort. We headed back to Kayla’s place. We had to kill at least two hours before Kayla’s gym appointment. She didn’t want to do anything but to sleep, so when we got back to her house she went straight to her bed. I wasn’t too sure what she wanted me to do. So instead, I started to go through her kitchen. I pulled out her Hello Kitty mug and started to have a little fun. I mixed together some liquid chocolate, powered cocoa, water, vegetable oil, salt, flour, sugar, honey, vanilla essence, and other shit and popped that thing into the microwave. As that went, I raided her freezer for some ice-cream. I scooped up a ball of ice-cream and placed it in a plate. By that time, I took out the mug and scooped out the mug brownie I had just made.
I took the plate and walked into Kayla’s bedroom. She was asleep. I sneaked in and stuck the plate right in front of her and then snuck out.

I returned to her room after awhile. She was still asleep but she had finished my brownie. I jumped onto the other side of the queen-sized bed. There was a fair bit of clothes on the side I sat on, so I didn’t lie down next to her. She turned to me and asked me why I wasn’t having a rest. She then looked down the bed and realised why, she then told me to move the stuff onto the floor. I did as she said and I lied right next to her. Because she turned around, she was lying right in the middle of the bed facing me. I was confused at this point. Where was she trying to get at? This isn’t something you do with your ex-girlfriend. Lying under the covers of your ex’s bed. So many times I have slept in this bed, some many times I’ve slept with her in this bed. I wasn’t tired, but I lied down facing toward her too. Except I hid behind the pillows and the sheets. She couldn’t see me, she tried pulling on the sheets asking me what am I doing? I laughed, but we tried going to sleep. I slowly moved forward. But nothing. I didn’t want to read into this. Eventually, I decided that I want to fuck around to test her where I was at with her. I started to fidget around, attempting to annoy Kayla by disrupting her nap. I started to jump onto her and lie on her. I’d headbutt her stomach and grab her foot. Eventually she gave up on trying to sleep. Among her being annoyed, she was laughing at me being an idiot. Once she gave up, she told me to stop so she go out and pee. Because of my cheekiness, this fuelled myself up. Starting poking her bladder and wrestling with her. Still laughing, she stop trying to resist and just layed there. I smiled trying to help her up as I kept trying to tell her she needed to pee and that she shouldn’t hold it because it’s bad for her. But she’s known me for so long that there was a method behind my madness and the moment I would have pulled her up I would have wrestled her back down. We laughed. Wasn’t a split second later that she ran for the door, she slipped past me. I ran after to her and jumped on top of her for a piggyback, attempted twice but since she had no energy she didn’t bother to hold me, plus the fact she wanted to go to the toilet. She ran again to the toilet and I tried jumping in at the same time but she was too fast for me, she pushed me out and shut the door on me. I laid there just on the front of the bathroom door. I made her laughed as I displayed my disgust as I could hear her pee. Eventually she came out and we decided it was time to go to the gym. 
The gym we went to wasn’t my gym, but I decided to go with Kayla anyways. As a casual visitor, it cost me $20, which was expensive as I pay less than that a fortnight at my normal gym. But I thought it would be fun going to the gym with her. We both did our separate things, she joined her group session and I went straight to the dumbbells. It wasn’t too long until Kayla found me to tell me she was done, I looked at the time and saw that it was only forty minutes that had passed. I asked if she wanted to do some cardio, she agreed and I told her I’d meet her there once I was done with my final exercise. I met up with Kayla about five to ten minutes later, she was walking on the treadmill. I wanted to go hardcore, but her tiredness restricted her from doing anything really. We then left after ten minutes on the treadmill.

It was eight o’clock, we sat in the car and remembered about the movie. We noticed that the next movie session for “Magic Mike” was at nine-thirty. Kayla told me that we might as wait for that session and joked about craving popcorn. She laughed and admitted that she did want to see the movie, but she wanted popcorn more. I told her, that we might as well go back to her house because I left my phone at her place and kill time there.
We got her joint again and she went off to have a shower. She told me that I could use her shower after her. We took our time getting changed. I walked out of the shower and changed back into the same clothes I was wearing during the day, I grabbed a nearby towel and scrubbed my hair hard. As I dried my hair I walked over to Kayla’s room again. She’d had already changed into what she wanted to wear and her hair was already straighten. I told her I liked her hair like that. It reminded me of the old Kayla, as when we first dated she used to straighten her hair. Now-a-days, she would curl her hair. She her with straighten hair made me reminisce. I told her that she looked amazing. She smiled back and said thanks.

We saw the movie, we were rowdy during the adverts, but we settled during the movie as there was another couple in the cinemas. We would glance eyes once in awhile. The movie was nearly finished, I noticed that her eyes were teary. It wasn’t a sad movie, so I whisper over to her and asked if she was okay. She looked back and nodded. Concerned, I asked again if she was just tired. She rubbed her eyes and said yeah and something about her eyelashes. Anyways, the movie ended and we headed off home.
She was the one who decided to drive, because she wanted to listen to her music, so she had to take me home. On the way home we talked about the day. I apologised about annoying her earlier when she tried to sleep. She really didn’t really have much sleep and she could have done with some rest. She told me that she gets annoyed when people tickle her. I told her that I knew that and that even though I was playing around, I tried not to tickle her that much. She told me that I didn’t tickle her, I was just wrestling. So I apologised for that. She smile and told me not to apologise, she likes it. She just doesn’t like it when she’s tired, that she wishes she had more energy. I tired apologising for that, but she kept saying don’t say sorry. I’m not sure what she was trying to get at, but I think she misses me and my antics. She just didn’t want to mention it.
For everything that had happened during the whole day, I kept wondering where we were at in our relationship. Are we more than friends but less than a couple? I’m pretty sure exes don’t do this kind of stuff with each other. I sure she doesn’t want to do anything, even if she invited me to her bed. This being the third time since we split (sorry, I failed to mention the two particular times in story of how that came about). So many times she pushes me away, so many times the connotation of what she says is to tell me that she just wants to be friends, but it always seems that her heart isn’t in what she says. Somehow I feel that her heart is confused. That’s why I don’t want to chance anything, I don’t want to risk anything. Maybe I just have wait for her to realise.

As we pulled up to the front of my place, I said my thanks and byes. I went over to give her a hug but she was too tired to give one back so she just lent over for me to hug her. I joked and mocked her huggingness. She laughed and realised how funny it was. So when I went to hug her, she hugged me back. She left and I thought to myself that I really did have fun. I guess, I’ll just leave it like that.

Trivial

It’s been awhile since I've written here, mainly because nothing really has happened since. Not even my birthday was not worth mentioning.

I’m not joking when I say nothing has been happening, there is a few reasons why. One of those reasons is because I'm not doing anything anymore. Not sure why, but I seemed to make excuses not do anything; I don’t have any money, I need to study, I don’t think I have a ride back home, I can’t be fucked, and so on. But these reasons are nothing, most of them are what they are: just excuses. I have been starting to feel that I am going downhill with myself. So because of that I had decided that I would stop saying "no" and start doing things. Anything.

One of the first people who I told this to was my close friend Lei, this led her to invite me to her social weekly trivia night. I’ve been going to these nights even though I don’t much as in helping out answer trivia questions but it serves as a good social. This has been going on for a few weeks now.

Last Wednesday happened to be one of the trivia goers’ birthday, the day which trivia night lies upon. Knowing that it was one of Kayla’s good friends that it happened to be the birthday girl, I knew was going to see Kayla. Since I haven’t said “no” to go to trivia since I started going, the only way I was to not see Kayla was to say “no”… but I wasn’t going to break everything just because of Kayla.

So despite the situation my promise to myself got me into, I decided just to go visit Kayla anyways. I headed over to Kayla’s just after leaving  Lei’s house since she lives just around the corner from her.

It was seven at night, though Kayla was surprised to see me. She was in her gym clothes as she just came back from the gym. It was good timing as she was in the process of moving furniture, so I guess it was a good thing that I dropped by. After moving everything except for her bed, we sat in an empty room and caught up on what had happened with us over the last few weeks we hadn’t seen each other.

Trivia night came two nights later and a couple of issues had came about. The night was planned that Kayla and her best friend, Cassie, were to come with Lei. It was Lei who was going to drive them up along with the birthday girl, but that changed quickly. It was something about Kayla having to drive because there wasn’t enough people to fit in the car. Because the plan had changed without Kayla and Cassie knowing, also for them to end up with the short end of the stick, this angered the both of them. I knew that shit would have been worst if I hadn’t decided to drive the two girls up. The night didn’t turn out that well for the two in the end, grumpy and bitching all the way home, I drove the two back to Kayla’s house. Once we got there, Cassie said her byes and drove home. For me, I asked Kayla if I could come in and use her toilet to pee.

By the time I came out I saw that Kayla had already changed into her sleepwear and night gown. She was about to say bye but I asked her for a second to talk. The both of us walked over to mattress, it was on her ground as her bed was dissembled. We both sat on her mattress cross legged and we talked in the darkness. We whispered throughout the conversation. We talked about the night, Lei and the current state of us. Though it wasn’t the best topics and at one point Kayla teared up, but in the end, sitting in the darkness we had a moment.

Paige

My 24th birthday was an interesting night for me. But before I can explain what exactly happened and why shit went down the way it did for both Natasha and the other girl named Paige, I need to tell you the story about Paige...

Paige has long dark brown hair that she usually wears down. Her fashion mostly consists of tight tank tops and black tights as pants. She's covered with tattoos and has a fair bit of piercings here and there. Paige isn't the most hottest girl, but she's still amazingly pretty. She wouldn't have trouble talking to guys when she goes out. The trouble is that even though she knows this, she finds it trouble finding an initial connection with the guys.

The story of Paige starts back June last year. Exactly the weekend after me and Kayla had broken up. Obviously this was a different Chase we're talking about here. So many mixed emotions; upset that it ended, happy that I'm free to do my own thing, the need and want for something more, wanting to forget and everything in between. I had just starting seeing again my close friend from my old high school, Pamela. She invited me to come out that weekend because it was her boyfriend's sister's birthday. Well, I was going to see Pamela anyways because it had been a regular thing anyways for the last few Saturdays. So on her twenty-third birthday, I got introduced to this girl named Paige.
Over the last few Saturdays, Pamela and her friends had been going to this bar nightclub called Persuasion. It was expected that we'd go there every Saturday, so for Paige's birthday, that's where we all went. We all got there and we all went straight to the smoking room. I started talking to one of Pamela's boyfriends close friend, Glenn. I had similar interests in video games with him. We talked about the many games we grew up with, like Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. It wasn't too long that Paige joined into the conversation, asking "Oh my God. Who do you use in Mortal Kombat?". I responded with Sub Zero, I was not only shocked that a girl like her would ask that exact question but also the fact she uses the same character as me. Eventually not too long after that it was only me and Paige talking. We started talking about everything, but mostly teasing each other about the smallest things about her other and laughing about them. Mainly talking about Star Wars and Star Trek, which she was defending Star Trek. This went on for the rest of the night.
This flowed through to the next Saturday night where the exact same thing happened, though this time around she had added me onto Facebook and we had fun posting upon each other's walls.

With the huge rapport that me and Paige had, it wasn't too long that we had started to message each other frequently. I found myself constantly on my phone at work and home messaging her. At the time, the last Harry Potter film came about. I was on the phone with my other best friend, Link (His actual name is Lincon, but as a kid, they referred to him as Link as the Zelda game were really popular at the time). He told me that he was going to see it with his girlfriend and asked me if I wanted to come, I didn't want to see it but Kayla had dragged me to see every other film except the last. So I was forced to watch it to at least find out what happened in the end. Link mentioned that he was going to spend a little more and go see it in the fancy cinemas, which meant they're were all in double seating. I had not thought about it but I was going to see it but it'd be still sitting by myself. I thought about it and asked Paige if she wanted to come. She said yes.
We went to see the film but because of our type of friendship, we ended up not watching the film but ended up play fighting the other time. We weren't watching the film but throwing chocolate at each other. Afterwards I dropped off home both Link and his girlfriend home, I then turned to Paige and asked her if she was hungry. She didn't mind. I took her to a twenty-four hour pancake place. We talked all the way to two in the morning.
We left and we got to my car. I lent over her. Smiling and playing around with her. I was trying to go for the kiss, but she put a wall between her and me, preventing me to do anything. I gave in not too long after that, embarrassed but didn't show it.
Paige and my friendship grew further as we started going out to grab something to eat and going to football games with each other. She even sent me a half naked photo of herself. I thought there was going to be something more. But something happened. Suddenly there we're holes in the stories she told me and things started to slow down between us.

Circle of Death, it's a drinking card game that every time I play it something evil happens. For example, the time I got introduced to this game and when I first played it, I had passed out within the first hour and found myself somewhere two cities away within the next hour when I woke up. I had also no underwear. The second time, this time when I passed out and awoke the next hour, everyone was naked but me. Freaked out, I ran out of the house. The third time involved me half naked with me being stripped down to my underwear and my pants down to my ankles. Not sure how to explain that one to all my friends who saw a picture of me passed out like that. The forth involved a threesome with Paige, another girl... and Glenn.
Though the many times Paige had denied it to my face, that was it...

I had became closer friends to Glenn and later he would confirm it. Being close friends with Glenn was hard when Paige and him became unofficially together. I came to except it without thinking and much time. I didn't need all these lies and games. Paige didn't hurt me because she didn't want me at all, she expressed it. Paige's story has more dept to it, but I shouldn't bother. Paige isn't the type of girl I should be chasing at all.

I really wanted the story to end there. But life never plans out the way you want it be sometimes, I see still her and each time I see her it's always messy.  I really wanted the story to end there.

Oranges

 
The story of the night didn't end just after the football game, no there was more to it than that. I was just about post the second half of the story when my sister, Summer, gave me a call. I had just written the first two lines when she interrupted me. She asked if I could drive back up the city to help her out, she was stuck outside her apartment. Well, I didn't mind going for a drive so I gathered some stuff that she wanted and her spare keys. I hopped into my car and just before I decided to head off, I decided to call Kayla.

Kayla picked up and I asked "Hey, you doing anything? Wanna kill a few hours with me? I just need a go for a drive and I would like some company". She told me she needed to just needed to get changed real quick and she'll be out. I told her it'll be at least ten minutes before I reach your house anyways, so no stress.
I picked her up and I drove up to the city. There was a bit of small talk but nothing too major. We reached Summer's apartment and we met up with her. I gave her what she wanted and we headed back home.

The drive home was a lot different to the one on the way home. It wasn't small talk, it had quite a bit of emotion into it. Not her emotion, but mine. I told her that I wasn't happy. This came to a shock to her because she thought I was happy. I said I wasn't. Every time I saw Kayla, everything didn't matter and I forgot about my problems. Maybe that's what she saw, the expression on my face when I was with her told her that I didn't have a worry in the worry. That I was happy. I told her this whole year that has past sucked, everything about it except me getting accepted back into college. I hated it, somehow I didn't feel I was good enough for anything anymore. She reassured me that I've got it all wrong. She stated that I was a good person, that there's nothing wrong with me, that I was the most amazing person, that I made everyone smile and laugh, and my laugh itself is awesome. She told me whatever it is, I was worth it, better than being good enough. She said she knew it, she knew it more than anyone because she knows me better than anyone. She wouldn't have dated me for five years if she didn't and I wouldn't still be her best friend if I wasn't.

We finally got back to her house and I asked her "So why am I not good enough for you?" She knew that's what I meant in the first place but she didn't want to head into that area. She didn't want to because we've had this conversation before so many times before. She knew what I was gonna say and I knew what she was gonna say. But eventually was started talking. We talked about what we wanted and want we both didn't want. In the end I told her this: "Think we should stop seeing each other. It's too hard to see you anymore. Remember last Saturday? Do you know why I called you when you got home and told you what I wanted for my birthday? It because we were staring at each other in the car for an hour talking... I looked at you and I fall in love. Every time I see your face, I fall in love."

As easy it sounds, you think that would be the answer but it's not. It doesn't work this way. I looked at her and told her that this isn't working, because we don't seem to reach an agreement. It always comes to an eventual loop to the whole thing and nothing gets resolved. She agreed, every time we say something about not seeing each other, we eventually seem to find each other again. I stopped what I was going to say and remembered the advice I gave Riker not too long ago: Conflict cannot be resolved over compensation. Think of an orange. Both of us want the orange and you'd think cutting the orange in half would be the most logical thing to do. No it's not. By cutting it in half, one half might be bigger than the other, resulting in one person complaining that the other person got more. It's not an equal neutral solution and so that results in be an compensation. Kayla looked at me and asked "So what do we do?". I told her we need to think about the orange and to actually talk about what about the orange we want. Instead of just saying you want the orange, talk about the reason and outcome you want out of the situation. Because one person might want the rinds to make a cake and the other might want the juice. That way both sides get want they want, which doesn't resolve in cutting it in half or compensating. Kayla stopped to think.
She'd rather to stopping seeing me than to hurt me. She wants be friends, but if it hurts me too much then she rather not see me. Then it was me. I thought about it, but I didn't come up with anything. Funny, I came up with the orange theory and I couldn't apply it myself. Thinking further, not seeing each other is what Kayla wanted in the end. If we were not too see each other, I would stop being in love with her and just be friends. Again, compensation. I looked up to the ceiling of my car. "There's nothing you can do, it's all up to me isn't it?" Kayla didn't say anything. She couldn't do anything, she didn't want to force herself to love me, she wouldn't be happy in that relationship. She wanted me and who I have became, but she wanted me before when we were dating. When we broke up everything had changed, more specifically she'd changed. I'm fighting a losing battle and the more I fight, the more it doesn't make anymore sense. It hurts, but that was it.
She asked me if I wanted to do something together for my birthday. I said yes, one final thing and I knew exactly what I wanted to do.
Kayla told me that I should try and stop thinking this way, she believed I was worth more than I think I am. She wanted me to be happy because despite everything, she still cares the world about me. Kayla reached over to hug me. I softly lied my head onto hers and told her "I'm sorry, I miss you"
She whispered back, "I miss you too"

She got out of the car. Before she shut the door, she told me that she meant everything she had said from the bottom of her heart. You could tell she didn't want to leave me the emotional mess that I am but she really needed to go. She waited for me collect my thoughts, then I finally looked up at her eyes and told her "I love you"
Kayla smiled and gently said back "...I love you too"